(Minor lines found along the way in my writing while writhing of words in search of that story I long to hear)




Either, other, or, no not me.
I am sentenced here to pleasing demons,
rising fire-winged from the depths of my ill remorseful soul,
bleeding my heart into submission,
taking no care in banishing my identity into the abyss of that dark sea I over flew many decades ago.
The wide sea tears away at the flesh of my being as crashing waves crash endlessly about for my self-lost identity.






By the light of improbability
The other stakes the claim of passion in verse as stakes pluck his eyes.
Seeing by not seeing, as now truly has light shone his way and all things clear,
a vision of what's to come. Let me be blind to this world and hence traverse
the endless wild of being.

For when my others falter,
I sit sipping my muddied drink and swirl the smoke taken in and taken out.
By lit darkness my eyes swell a tear or two, one from the smoke that infests my lungs
and the other for the days that should have come.
The studio creaks out its asbestos skin as it lay silent.
No strokes brush the coarse canvas with their customary passionate hues.
No voices break with laughter the silence that becomes my days ever more.
The doors must close a final time and I sit longing for the days that should have come.

by now the road is narrow and baleful is the passing

Marcel Khalife in Detroit

I've been a fan of Marcel ever since I heard the first song, for obvious reasons. Other than being the premiere Lebanese folk singer, composer, musician, he just seems to represent everything I hope for in an artist; integrity, progress, creativity, ethics, human concerns, political awareness and so on. many people hear his songs or his music and get transported to a better time or place where nostalgia overtakes the melancholy. There is the sound of a timid hopefulness that most Arab's hear and it goes on long after the song.



The concert at Orchestra Hall was good, but it did seem a bit odd. He wasn't with his usual ensemble or Al Mayadine or Omayma or anyone else you'd recognize. He was playing with Kristjan Jarvi's Absolute Ensemble. They were pretty good, but it seemed that Marcel was their guest and it was not his concert. He only sang one full song, three total.



The Hall was not as posh as I thought and the sound engineering seemed lazily prepped for the concert. The acoustics seemed pretty bad as well. It could have been just my perception, and my one faulty ear, but it didn't sound right.
And the energy was not there as if it was a dress rehearsal and Marcel was going through the motions. Sure he was still great and the ensemble was very good at times, but not what I expected. Maybe it was his age...or maybe it was mine.



Perhaps it was the latest controversy that surrounded his music, or maybe even the extensive travel burdens and being detained at every port. Whatever the reasons for this being less magical than past performances, it was magical none-the-less and I'm glad to have been able to see him again.

moment of clarity

In that composed moment after grief, that moment of indifference, I became a part of this earth and not this world.

The Inanimate became animated and the animated became still.

Conventionally life-less objects began to notice my state in their approach, welcomed me without reservation, and all those people bound by habit seized as I walked through their tired immobile forms. Clarity reigned as for purpose previously reined by stagnant revolving souls, still, still I chose to venture past my destiny and remain as they, life-less.

I'm back

Diwan: A Forum for the Arts has come and gone, maybe too soon. What should have been an opportunity for me to network with people who can help my Film career was spent sitting back and marveling at the wealth of amazing Arab artists from across the country sharing their experiences and hanging out as old friends. It was inspiring.

I finally met Jack Shaheen, Malek Akkad, Assad Kaleda and others, but I never talked about film. It was interesting talking to people about their art, their state of mind and of course politics. The art was amazing especially the two exhibits coinciding with the forum.

One of the highlights was the presentation “Brooklyn Beats to Beirut Streets” with Nizar from The Philistines, Omar from N.O.M.A.D.S., Joe Namy and some guy named Mark Gonzales.

Most exciting was just meeting new people and hanging out. There were old friends and some odd new ones.

(images were altered to protect the not-so-innocent)


Then there was the after party hosted by Other. There are still a few people trying to recover from it. (will someone claim the little arab man we found behind the couch this morning). It wasn’t as wild as past parties nor as energetic, but fun none-the-less. Of course no party would be as crazy without the Iron Sheik and the kibab. If you were there, I hope you had fun and thanks for stopping by, hope to see you next year, if Diwan survives (more on that later).

BTW, happy birthday RED.

PASSAGE UNKNOWN

(the following bit of writing is from a peice I wrote a couple of years ago,
it is part of an epic that will continue to expand and evolve.
The style and structure is an extensive divergence from my other works. any questions?)


Passage Unknown

‘06
Steady jagged edge
Treachery treks down my suited ship.
Boasting episodes of troubled seas spend it whole
The rut’s rot infests prestigious planks and she is compromised
What is the charge for the passage home
To compose her conservation before the sink
And row
And row
To charge my contemplation after the fall
What is the fault with the mounted grief
The gut’s glut plagues exalted minds and spells out our demise.
Ranting mourners for anxious relieve spend me whole
Trading tears near my sinking ship.
Stop journey’s dead

‘73
They came for me in the darkness cast by doubt
Placed me here among the rusted stacks smoking
They took me in the toddling innocent state
Cast me here helpless, life without a spear
I’m losing this bout
No one to hear my raving
I looked east and saw nothing
I lived west and am nothing
My mind grows wearily old with time’s torrid pace
Always running from and toward my passage unknown
I’ve labored the return through washed out bridges
Sinking in the rapids, drowning by the fear
I’m losing this race
In the end, I’m alone

‘00
I drank my dose of reconcile
As they pleaded me do
At gun point
Execute
Intoxicate
I lose my sights
As they need me be
Blind, I no longer inquire

‘83
But for this flight I have been rendered crisp and normal
My conscience drives the reason
And I myself trail my trekking mind
Ever searching truth as illusions lead its elusion
Ever searching passage as it was flushed in a flash
And my passage was lost, too heavy for the journey
My soul’s pestering plea drives me further
But for this fight I am beaten, turned conventional

‘89
I’m searching the Passage Unknown
Not for now, the journey doesn’t end
I am still looking
It draws near to my shoulder resting a cold hand
Caressing my carcass, my skin, pale with decay
Carelessly tugging at the soul it‘s seeking
Its smile turns grim drawing out my faith
I’m not leaving
Not as now the end is nearing
Death waits no longer and I relent
I’ve lost unrealized the Passage Unknown

‘04
Upon my ancient steps on idle streets
The asphalt warmth into me did seep
The mind burdened absent as I trek deep
Into villages reeking of vile concrete
What lay ahead for me lay dead
And my anthology behind for lament
What worlds did you pass for this
To set me free into a void abyss
To weep of longing, misery and ill-fate
Shall I thank you for the freedom served
Without responsibility it is deserved
Is this your land teaching myself to hate
Dreams of promise yet bring my peace
But first a ransom of your life’s deeds
What people made you die for this
Do you believe their ignorance is bliss

And the Winner is......

Me!

I received five Telly Awards this year.

Feels good to be recognized. My department won 19 altogether ( I was involved in all)

My son is now a blogger (i feel old)

Is that good or bad? I can't tell yet, but it meant I had to give him an email. I'm not sure if this opens up the evil of technology or the benefit, either way, it had to be done. I'll just keep a close eye. (it also means I'm older than i thought i was)

Anyway check out his blog and post something nice (he's only a kid).
he love math games and riddles.

www.bibosite.blogspot.com

and calls himself the mathmagician.

"The man that hath no music in himself, Nor is not mov'd with concord of sweet sounds, Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils." - W.S.

There was this lingering image of happiness, now lost...

I loved going to the Fox Theater with my father to catch the latest Kung Fu film. The days you thought you'd have forever and take for granted are gone. Now it will host Nancy 3jram (but i appreceite them re-modeling)

I miss the Pandora theater, before cable or satelitte when they showed an Arabic film, that made the immigrant collective laugh from joy and cry from longing. ( I loved watching Ghawar, even if I couldn't understand him and remember my father and his friends talking about the "good ole days". Now it's an office building.)

I hate my friend for turning my childhood movie house into a grocery store. (bastard, sorry J...yeah, I know people gotta live) The Camelot was a bit of heavenly escape that was just down the street. Watched my first Bruce Lee flick there, got into my first fight after such flick.

Can't even remember the name of the dirty, smoke-filled dive in Lebanon that I was told was destroyed in the war. I film on the 3eid for khams 2roush was a delight.

I saw my first horror film at the Ford-Wyoming Drive-In (this one is still there, it even expanded)

A Little Spring Cleaning

This post is about getting some lingering thoughts out of my head and onto this blog. there is no rhyme or reason nor relation or relevence to these thoughts. The random order is required.


#1. Have you seen the living conditions in Iraq? Have you seen the occupiers teasing the people? it makes Lebanon look like a garden party.

#2. Hunker Down Emiraties! Haliburton is moving into your little patch of glitter filled desert. This makes me worry that the Apocalypse is days away.

#3. The owner of one of my favorite sports teams (Detroit Pistons) is a major doner to Izrael. Well it always has been a bit of hipocracy paying taxes and living in a land that hates you and supports your killers.

#4. The film "300" supports my propaganda theory. Iran has condemned the film as being a slanderous portrail of Persians. Hollywood did not disagree.

#5. Olmert admits that Izrael has been planning the war on Lebanon as the resistance has stated. Where is the outcry? Where is the appology to the Hizb? Where is the...never mind. (sidenote: Japan had already surrendered before the attack on Hiroshima, Truman bombed them anyway, and then again)

#6. Izraeli companies are selling property and housing in settlements stolen from Palestinians. They are selling in New Jersey. more info: http://www.adc.org/index.php?id=3067

#7. Passing for Normal posted a pic of a clothing label that included an appology for having Bush as the president. I wonder how long that company will last.

#8. I heard that the US is passing a law that would guarantee the Izraeli right to Return to Arab countries. What??? Who has this info? Where can I read it?

#9. The state of the world today makes me think that the Apocalypse is right around the corner, the signs are there. But perhaps we ignore it. When was the last time there was Peace on Earth? Has that ever happened?

#10. Children in Lebanon are still being blown up by Izraeli bombs. Remember they sprayed the country with tens of thousands of grenades before leaving.

#10. I'm sure you've seen this pic before, but it seems like Lebanon has gone through several states of love and hate in this past year or so. What a volatile country with a schizophrenic identity that you can't help but love.

#12. Sure i know this is trivial but Blogger hates me. It will not let me switch to the new blogger and I always have trouble leaving comments among other issues.

#13. I received a rejection letter for my poetry that was submitted for an Arab anthology. OK so my stuff is not great, but to get that in a formal letter is painful.

#14. Why do I have 1,000 visits from the Manitoba area but no comments? Why do I have comments from places that do not exist?

#15. Why is everyone moving to Dubai? For some reason, I feel like if I try it I'd turn into a pillar of salt.

#16. There are about 376 more thoughts to clear out, some more important than the ones i got to, but I've run out of time.