Of all elaborate plans

One more day and it will be another milestone birthday. This seems to be the worst. It is not that the destination is a source for all that is depressing, yet it is the uneventful, unremarkable, torturously bland journey by which I have arrived at this milestone that rankles me so.

As my friend IBJ insists, it is but another number, one that can be played or repainted on or molded into another shape to view as wondrous or insignificant as we please. He actually used more readily repeatable words of “Broa, shut-up. It’s just a number.” However the gist is just as memorable, I can’t focus on the number, but a milestone is reached non-the-less and for my memory being waned or failing I am unable to claim many goals attained by this passing day.

{Each New Year is another year gone for me, some say it is one of those false birthdates listed by immigrants, but whether it be January 1st or July 4th, an other year passes despite, in spite}

It is not so much the day, more the past days. What have I found along this journey, what will be found in my continued quest, and what is my final destination? My journey began more remarkable than it ends, with the obligatory marks set at college degree, employment, marriage, children and the like. Sure there was the brief stint on an illuminated trail, but no revelation, no discovery, no history and worst, no dreams realized. On the eve of a new year, my friend comments that you either are who you want to be or were never meant to be that person. Troubling words. As cryptic as they may be, they will haunt me. What am I? Who was I to be? Is this all? What determines who you are?

Is it even a question of quality of journey verses a value of destination, where is the emphasis? And if the destination is lacking in luster, will the journey fade in brilliance? Conversely, is a miserable trek rewarded? Surely in an after life, but will it in this?

By being who I am now at this stage in my life, it seems that this is exactly who I was meant to be. Or have I missed some turn? Optimistically, the journey has not ended, yet. There may be another turn up ahead. Pessimistically, I will fail to recognize it once more, or be reluctant to take it leading to a far more eventful journey. Then I may be who I was meant to be.

That story can still be filmed,
That book can still be written,
This life can still be extinguished before that turn appears.
Well, another number awaits my arrival, happy birthday to me.

another holiday passing

sorry I can only create strange, unappealing greeting cards, but the main point is may you and you families be granted joy.

37 factors of a rut

1. Got downsized.
2. Got new job that i don't like. same department. very strange how corporations work these days.
3. Lebanon is bracing for another Izraeli invasion. The economy is at a standstill again, former war-lords are still playing games with our lives.
4. The world is still against Palestine, in policy and rhetoric. no human rights for those who need them most.
5. There are so many wars and injustices that i tend to forget a few of them, and it seems others do the same so that those injustices remain.
5. Bush is trying to launch another unjust war, even though the case for is falling apart. They're not even working on their lies anymore, soon they'd say "we're taking over the world, deal with it."
6. Karl Rove has been trying to push blame for the Iraq war on the dumb democrats. This is the craziest use of warped logic ever.
7. Emotionally, socially, politically, environmentally, economically, culturally, humanistically, these are the worst days i've ever witnessed. More so since the knowledge and ability exists for a utopia.
8. The only person i knew who practiced love and justice passed away last year.
9. I don't ever see myself going back home.
10. I no longer see myself as a filmaker.
12. There is so much to think about that I end up crippled doing nothing.
13. I had a vision of my own demise and it isn't pretty, but is it changeable?
14. I have a problem, I know when people lie. But even when they know I've caught them, they lie more. Is that some sort of reconstructed human condition? For me to survive, I have to ignore the lies. That is painful, especially when some of those people are close.
15. there are 37 but I only have the energy to write 14. and missed # 11.

congratulations, welcome to the team

Well, these past couple of months I've been out of touch with a lot of people and of course the blog.
My department at work has been going through re-structuring. We knew we would lose our jobs and have to apply for new ones in the new department.

I survived.
I pretty much have the same job with a bit of change in focus at a different location.

The last thing I wanted when I chose a career as a video producer was to work for a large corporation with goals different from my creative goals, but that is where I find myself years later. I like my work yet working in a corporate environment is torture.

As the old saying goes "at least you have a job" That should not be an end all ambition. The economy in Michigan these days has lead people to believe that any employment is good. Of course, I'm thankful, but am no longer content, no longer loyal, no longer will I put in that extra effort. I will coast as everyone around me has been for years. And save my creativity for where its appreciated. The hell with it all.

There are no advancement opportunities. Life in Michigan is a dead end (without the dead part). "At least I'm alive"

Well now that the agony of waiting months just to see if I would survive this change is finally over, back to life I go.

maybe even more blogging.

I often wonder about the loss of hope while struggling to find any remnant of the promised, any sliver of light escaping from a shattered beacon.

As time stumbles by along a cold and desolate swampy existence my guide to aspire deliberately and purposefully commits to a self-induced suffocation of will.

Now where do I turn? A friend turns and a partner gives way; an occupation becomes a struggle to survive and a peaceful room comes to torture my thoughts.

What once was innocent and removed from this world’s devilish state stages daily coups to torment and giggle along the others humiliating betrayals.

It ends in a foreign place and a foreign state. I’ll leave nothing, not a journal nor a legacy. One more stumble of a crippled limb. One more strike by a smiling man.

As I looked for the moon, I noticed my son looking through my binoculars through the camera, this is what I assume he saw, so I took a shot of it as he may have seen it. This rendition appears like a celestial body, so I suppose he found the moon.

mourn the innocent peculiarity

He imprecisely ventured past the wrought iron gates of his parent’s home in a futile quest of a more comforting haven, one that offered rest for his tumultuous mind. He laid all his weary parts and worry thoughts upon a steel track not far from the childhood euphoria that had been lost now hiding in the brush, mocking his every plea. The track only offers cold awkward musings to tease as the rumbling sound nears. He sleeps believing a setting sun, and a serene judgeless thicket as the rumbling sound nears.

Conversations

The only careless social delve I commit is a direct effect of the lure of captivating conversation.
These images are an attempted conversation with my life’s inspiration.



The timid, circling approach of an unknown destination:


The lack of quantitative response and failed repartee:





The rejective mock injuring mercilessly:




inspiration has seized to lay claim

I'd pray for peace but my Mosque is about to be demolished.

Another racist and Islamphobic U.S. Representative or Congressman has made comments that just plain scare me.
Rep. Peter King (R-NY) who is the ranking Republican on the House Homeland Security Committee said, "Unfortunately, we have too many mosques in this country. There are too many people who are sympathetic to radical Islam. We should be looking at them more carefully. We should be finding out how we can infiltrate. […] King added, "I think there's been a lack of full cooperation from too many people in the Muslim community. And it's a real threat here in this country."

Great, that’s how you get cooperation, by bashing the people you need help from. I’d be scared to talk to such a person. And what type of cooperation does he want? Why is it ok for him to assume there is something wrong at my mosque? Does he want me to stand at the door of my mosque and point a finger at my innocent brothers as he tears down the place I worship? Would the world’s problems go away if there weren’t any mosques? Or would they go away if there weren’t any hate-mongers like Rep. King? These guys only want us to be informant citizens without voicing any concerns or opposing views. If we speak up we will go to jail, get tazered, have our assets frozen, or even get killed by some of his gung-ho, beer-drinking, flag-wearing, ignorant constituents. While we’re at it, who do I talk to about the hate crimes against my mosque and it’s congregation?

BTW, does anyone remember who other than Presidential Candidate Tom Tancerdo wants to bomb Mecca? (I’m planning on going to Haj this year, I’d like to know what’s coming)



To watch the King interview see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMydUdKtA_Q&;


From an ADC alert:
Rep. King has a history of racism and bigotry toward Arab and Muslim Americans. In the past, he has said, Muslims are "an enemy living amongst us." He has also called for ethnic and racial profiling of Arabs and Muslims. It should be noted that Rep. King also serves as a top advisor to presidential hopeful Rudy Guiliani alongside leading Islamophobe Daniel Pipes. Pipes also serves on the board of coalition which tried to derail the opening of the Khalil Gibran International Academy in Brooklyn, New York. For more information see: http://www.adc.org/index.php?id=3157